Since sharing my eldest Little Ladies name here I have been meaning to sit down and share R’s name too, after the excitement and the nerves hovering over the publish button came the realisation that I had to write this one aswell. I have loved sharing her name and am so happy with the decision but something feels different this time. I feel the kind of nerves and excitement where you get butterflies in your tummy, the kind where you are so overwhelmed it’s hard to find the perfect words as the final piece of the puzzle for this online space of mine takes place. Much like when we made that journey back home from the hospital with her, the four of us, my whole and complete world in one car. We walked into the house together on that cold February day with everything we had ever wanted and I remember crying at the sheer perfection of that moment, sitting with a cup of tea and looking around at the life I got to lead each and every day.
I found naming a child for the second time very different from the first. With hindsight on my side I felt much more confident to choose names solely because I liked them rather than worrying about what people may or may not think. What I wasn’t expecting though was to have to think about whether or not it was a good fit with my other child’s name! I feel like someone should have warned me about this whilst I was pregnant for the first time – not that it probably would have made a difference back then. I liked so many names that just didn’t fit together or were indeed too similar and I remember going round and round in circles with the name Ada (which I still absolutely love) because although my husband didn’t mind I thought it was just too similar and people would either mix them up or think we were just weird!
We found out the gender with this little lady due to a stubborn 3 year old whom was adamant that all she wanted in the world was a sister (you can see out gender reveal video here), and this meant that we were not ever to have a son, that the boys name in which I had loved so much since being pregnant for the first time, the one that I had imagined in all three of my pregnancies it could be, would never be ours. We knew it wasn’t, isn’t, feasible for us to go through another Hyperemesis pregnancy and so this precious baby after loss would be our last, would make our family dynamic. It also meant we only had a girls name to look for and agree on now!
After choosing two names last time around we never ever really felt like we needed more than one choice, or maybe it was because we found out her gender this time around but once we had chosen her name and even though we never actually talked to the baby with her name it felt like that was her in there and that her identity was forming even before she had been brought into this world which definitely helped me through the tough pregnancy and to bond with her.
As with every parent to be, myself and my husband after the 20 week scan looked for inspiration everywhere, it became a regular occurrence to just out of the blue say a name to throw into the mix and even my then 3 year old would come up with names and decided we should definitely call her little sister Twink (politely declined by me in the only way I know how – no darling!). Then I came across this name, I honestly do not remember where or when I saw it, I kick myself that I didn’t have this blog then to remember the little details and am so thankful I do now, but once I read it I knew. It is a sort of a version of the boys name I love and honestly it just felt right, it jumped off the page, it fit, I couldn’t get it out of my head and it felt like this was meant for my little girl. I hugged my growing bump tightly and whispered the name so as not to jinx it completely, to see if maybe she would respond and give me a sign that I was choosing well and that she approved. And as she wriggled around inside of me in the way that can never ever be explained but that feels so magical and intense my heart skipped a beat and settled, this was most definitely it.
The Mr I must admit took a little convincing and he was more cautious of what people would think and was off researching meanings and popularity and all the things he does to make himself feel more secure. I did however remind him that he chose the first time around so surely it was my turn now! Her middle name discussion were a mixture of names we had liked previously and something that obviously flowed well, having used my middle name first time around we just went with what felt right. Of course I hope that she likes it, it is somewhat unusual but not crazy, we get comments almost every time we go out of how unusual or lovely it is, I love that and I hope she does too. Because the responsibility for naming a child, for giving them a name to take them through the rest of their lives is as huge as bringing them up in this world. I for one hope she knows that I was always thinking of her. After a loss you put so much into the emotional aspect of this baby and in a small way she encompasses both her and the one that never was all rolled into one perfect little package.
I have ended up with a name I absolutely adore. I love the fact that it is unusual. I love it so much in fact that a huge part of me wants to hold it close and protect it so it doesn’t become too popular! To keep it all to myself in this little baby bubble. I feel that way about my babies and parenting in general actually but time does not stand still. She isn’t a baby anymore, she is racing through life at lightening speed and making me so so proud in the process. I relish the fact that I would go back in a heartbeat, back to the very first time I ever said her name to her as she lay on my chest still warm from growing inside of me so perfectly. Because I will treasure every new adventure along the way just as much and know that each and every stage brings amazing times that will soon become the ones I choose to use a time machine to revisit given half the chance.
I will never ever forget the moment that this amazing Little Lady was given her name, where it was said to her, to the world for the very first time. The midwife; the perfect midwife who championed my birth cause and made such an impression on me despite knowing her for such a short amount of time. She had asked at the beginning if we knew the sex and did the baby have a name. But we didn’t say, we nodded said yes and saved that special moment till she was with us, safe in our arms. Unlike with my first birth we didn’t have time or a clear head to think about the moment she was born and anticipate that moment with the clarity we had done in theatre with an epidural. No. This time it had been just an hour and a half and I was in my zone with my gas and air friend as she sped into this world to everyones surprise. That was her moment, her moment to shine, her moment to become. And as she was passed to me, she lay on my chest with big open eyes, wrinkly skin and looked straight up at me. That was our moment, to say it outloud, to share it with her, with the world and make her whole. In those little words we made her a real life person, the person that she was that day, that she is today and that she will be for the rest of her beautiful life.
Yet, this story doesn’t end there, this story has a very special extension, we had a little girl at home, a little girl that was awaiting the arrival of her sister in the excited anticipation of a just turned 4 year old and we wanted her to know first. Daddy rang my sister, asked to talk to her and for her to be the very first person to know that there was another one of us, that she had a sister. He had raced to pick her up, to share the name in person, for her little ears to be the first to hear it, to see her innocent face fill with joy and to say the name to someone outside of our little room, to the most important person in our life and make the news hers to share all over again. The very name that she will say over again every day for the rest of her life. Now that is something very special.
R is for……… Roma
Our Roma Rose, Roma Rosie, Rosie, Angel Pops, Baby, Moma (her adorable attempt which I love but is changing every day)
A perfect name for a perfect little lady to complete our family, to make us whole.