Often the weeks before a birthday there is an element of reflection, especially I think a child’s first birthday when there is the inevitable “this time last year” conversations. Little R will be 1 in just over 2 weeks. And today, as I watch my 11 month old walk around like it’s nothing I think how small she looks, just a baby. At bedtime I try to get as much milk into her tummy as humanly possible in the hope she will settle to sleep so I can sign off and sit down! Then it dawns on me…..
I made her.
Sometimes in motherhood you get those moments of clarity, the overwhelming feelings and they just hit you out of the blue.
I made her.
As she feeds, her big innocent eyes track mine, her pupils flicker back and forth locking with mine and she blinks at me like it is our own special language. I blink back. And in that moment, she is all that I need and I realise.
I made her
Every little bit of her. From the little tuft of hair that is growing from her crown much faster than all the other – her perfectly imperfect hole by her left ear that no one knows why but may just not have formed completely – the skin as soft as silk that makes me want to always have her running around bare bummed – and the little button nose that reminds me she is mine. Right down to her birthmarks, the coffee stain on her leg and the bright red strawberry mark on her arm that is so much a part of her I hardly even notice it at all.
My body made her – despite the horrific hyperemesis protest, it made her and one day her body may make one too and that is a total and utter miracle.
We’ve come a long way. Well done us xx