It has been 5 years and 9 months since I called myself Mama. In that moment my life, myself, changed forever in the most wonderful way I could ever have imagined. I thought that was the pinnacle. BUT. It has been 20 months since I became a mother of two. Since I could actually use the words I had been dreaming of for so long. My children. My Little Ladies. My Girls. My Two.
It seems both so very long and such a short time and I truly cannot remember what it was like before my love grew more than twice as much as the littlest lady entered the world. I have to say it is still the most intoxicating and wonderfully addictive thing to experience as a mother. The love I felt for Eva was so unique, so strong that although I didn’t worry that I would love another child, I didn’t know that I would love them both eternally more because they had each other. That if it was possible I actually loved Eva even more and even deeper than I did before. Which considering she was 4 years old and my best friend, the most important and special person in the world to me, that was pretty darn surprising. But I did.
I am very lucky to have these two sisters of mine and I feel that every day. Well, you know, I have bad days when they won’t share, when I can’t get a seconds peace and when I wonder if they are conspiring against me to ensure I have the least sleep/rest/toilet breaks/me time as possible and then test my parenting skills on top. Those days I am glad when they are in bed. I sometimes cry that I have lost my patience or that I haven’t been enough. But most days, or even a little part of every day, I still feel all the luck in the world.
I had visions of this months photos being all autumnal, gorgeous orange hue in the background and fallen leaves on the floor. But this past weekend as we went to our local marina, just me and my little ladies, it all looked rather summery still. Eva was desperate to play in some leaves and Roma was shouting “crunchy leaves” over and over so we went in search of some leaves and made a pile as they squealed with delight. I had to laugh when I turn around and that pile has suddenly diminished and instead Roma had a hair full of leaves and a bemused look on her face. And Eva has the butter wouldn’t melt, ‘I don’t know what happened there’ one!
They were both so utterly happy that I just sat and watched. Which I think is the best part. To watch so closely every day at the bond that is oh so unique. I couldn’t take the smile off my face, they played for ages in the leaves and on this little bridge and it was a pretty perfect afternoon. As we sat there dog walkers, couples and families walked past and smiled, made polite conversation and remarked at how happy and well behaved they were which is of course always lovely to hear.
I am pretty sure I say this every month and I probably will continue to (until they turn into teenagers maybe) but it has been my favourite so far. I can’t really pin point why but I feel like things have got a little bit easier again. With Roma’s growing age and speech comes a little more independence and whilst this makes my heart ache a little at the baby days gone by I just love it. Eva thinks she is the funniest person in the world, still loves to pick her up and help her wherever she can which makes Roma beam with pride.
They have the typical relationship going on and definitely fall into the stereotypical younger/older sibling roles. Eva makes the rules but deep down you can see that Roma rules the roost. Eva is loving and kind yet also has a short fuse and her tolerance can diminish pretty quickly, and Roma is accommodating yet wild and fun, but most definitely protests the loudest!
It is so telling that whatever Eva does Roma copies and she still seems a little lost in the week when Eva is at school. At the weekends you see her eyes light up as she gets to spend all of her time with her most favourite person in the world and to see the together, walking hand in hand or playing together whether that is out and about or as I peek through the door of the playroom and see a glimpse into their world, it is just amazing, even if I do have to play referee. And whilst Eva will play the older sibling role that she is too old to play Roma’s games or that she just wants some time to herself, you can guarantee that within a few minutes she is calling for Roma to show her what she has done or to be the one to join in with the fun.
It’s hard work, but absolutely the best feeling in the world.